When I started watching this show. My mind was all over the place. I was wondering what the hell the show was even trying to do. From its hallucinogenic art style to its blazing fast dialogue. My senses were filled to the brim. Hell, from start to finish of the whole show’s run time my fingers were always on the pause and rewind keys. I always had to go back or pause to really get what the characters were saying. Adding to that the almost never-ending exposition took me a while to get used to. For that though, I’m grateful. I’m happy that I continued to watch it till the end. This anime is like those experiences where at you don’t really know why you’re even there to begin with but you still don’t leave.
Ever since I was a child. My parents have always told me one thing. Learn well and succeed in life. They showed me that the best way to achieve what they called happiness is through learning and having a good job. I being the naive child believed this without question. It was only when I entered my A/L that I began to see the inconsistencies with such hope. Like the unnamed protagonist. We all at one point in our life believe that life will be a rose-coloured garden. If it isn’t today it will be tomorrow or the day after. Or maybe after I hit up on that dream job. Or when I finally have the funds to buy that car I’ve always wanted since I was a kid. We all hope that we’d be better off someday if we just have that one thing. It may be an object of material value. Or like our protagonist here. A raven-haired maiden as a lover.
However, when you end up not being able to achieve such a fate. You tend to fall into a deep void of dissatisfaction and depression. Starting to hate yourself for not being able to make what you hoped a reality. Even if that hope was unrealistic. You blame yourself. This soon spirals into an uncontrolled loop of regret. With you wishing you had just taken a different path. A different choice. This is what happens at the end of each episode of the series. He wished to go back in time and have done something differently. Everyone wishes this at some point. The ability to time travel. To clear a mistake. To redo an action that leads to regret in hopes of healing (haha, redo of healer).
This is where you have to think. Will changing past circumstances fix you? Will it really point you in another direction? Even if it takes you on a different path. Will that path is satisfying? This reminds me of this study I read about. It did an experiment with people who were of different levels when it came to economic stability and wealth. In it, there was this certain amount, after which, your emotional wellbeing and happiness didn’t really increase even if the amount of wealth you had increased. Yes, having a low income is bad in all senses of it. We sort of have no choice, the world runs on money if we like it or not. But it really comes down to what you want in life, doesn’t it?
Coming back to the plot. Say you do get what you wish for in life. Would you be happy then? Or will you still be unsatisfied? This is where the show really attracted me. Even if you do get something. Like, the countless lives Otaku Watashi finds himself breaking through. Even if you have a certain thing that others would only dream of, you won’t really be happy unless you accept that a perfect life just doesn’t exist. Trying to lead a perfect life is simply a disaster waiting to happen. It’s more about your mindset. Expecting a perfect life only leaves you with dissatisfaction. It’s like what egghead said to Underworld Watashi. Even if you can become the person who you dream of. To focus your gaze on that which is unrealistic and relying on possibilities of a person who you could have become simply leads you to unsatisfaction. Accepting who you are now and the life you have created for yourself is what matters to achieve what we would call satisfaction.
The anime really is about being happy with what you’ve got personified.
The line “There’s nothing more boring than a successful love story” in the last episode really struck me. No matter, how much we look forward to one. When it’s there. It really is boring. Without an opposite. It’s basically nothing.